There is no clarity. Everything swirls. The old rules are no longer binding, the old truths no longer true. Right spills over into wrong. Order blends into chaos, love into hate, ugliness into beauty, law into anarchy, civility into savagery. The vapors suck you in. You can’t tell where you are, or why you’re there, and the only certainty is absolute ambiguity. In war you lose your sense of the definite, hence your sense of truth itself
I've been thinking a lot recently. I've noticed a habit that I have in my thoughts - ones I've always had. I have this mindset of accepting life because i'm expecting to wake up. As a different person. I'll find myself thinking of impossible things. One example of this is hearing someone singing beautifully, and thinking "Someday when I have a voice like her's..." even though it's not trainable, plus she is an entirely different person than me. Or, "Next time I'm a little kid, I'll ______" even though that requires going back in time. Things like that. Little things I'll catch myself thinking that make no sense. I've always done this, at least as far as I can remember.
It's like this is a dream and I'm simply waiting to wake up. And when that happens I'll be a different person with a different life. Like this is a dream, or maybe a trial run [Despite the fact that I don't really believe in reincarnation]
You’d feel cheated if it never happened. Without the grounding reality, it’s just a trite bit of puffery, pure Hollywood, untrue in the way all such stories are untrue. Yet even if it did happen—and maybe it did, anything’s possible—even then you know it can’t be true, because a true war story does not depend upon that kind of truth. Happeningness is irrelevant. A thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than the truth.
H and K were at the house over the weekend [while I was at Mother's]. This bothers me. A lot. It reminds me of how much it hurts. And because I'm using anger to deal with that, my brain goes "NO. YOU'RE NOT FAMILY TO ME ANYMORE. GTFO." even though they are family, and have every right to visit here. But I hate the idea of them being here. In my space. Around the house. Reminding my of the pain they caused.
Typing this, I know I sound stupid, but isn't that what this blog is for?
And now for a really long ramble that probably won't make much sense to any of you.
I was talking to a friend and she wrote this. It makes so much sense to me. A complete mindfuck.
Did you know that everything in the universe that organizes itself, organizes fractally? Atoms, quarks, the structure of the human brain and the structure of the universe, microbiotic behavior and macrobiotic behavior...all of it is part of a series of fractal structures repeating themselves from the microbial and atomic right up to the truly massive and possibly even the extra-universal (things outside this universe).
Cancers in the human body develop different angular protrusions in the interior vein structure which are different from the angles which th rest of the body organizes itself using. These growths are also, again, fractal. Veins splitting off smaller veins and off smaller veins...but always, all the way down, you find the same angle re-appearing again and again.
http://resources.
Microbes gathering together into multi-cellular organisms which gather together into larger organisms which gather together into even larger beings, diversifying and growing...but always constructed of those smaller beings. The impulses of those smaller beings don't change. They still want to eat, to gather together for warmth, to breed, to grow. Human beings are VERY complex. We have those same impulses. On a macro (very large) scale, we still have those impulses. Some people are the 'protective' system for this giant human organism. You can break down civilizatio like you break down the body and the metaphor maintains. Information can be like a virus. Government can be like a brain, but if government gets sick or one part of it starts demanding more blood...it's like if your foot started demanding more blood one day. You'd start to have problems very quickly with that.
It's all information really. Energy. Your body, your mind, are operationally a method for transferring and distributing information. When a cell gets a bad piece of information and stops moving information past that point, you get ill. Above that, when some part of civilization stops moving information...the Government, the military, the school system...any of these things which are composed of their own cells and organs but all of which make up an information ecosystem...when these things stop moving information they get sick and become destructive in the same way a cell in the body becomes cancerous.
Viruses infect a cell with a bad information, then copy that bad information. You can think of all the different ways one person can infect another and how whole groups of people can become infected with dangerous, destructive information. Human beings have immune systems on the cellular level and in the intellectual parts of their brain to ward off bad information but sometimes that malfunctions and they get some sickness of being, whether it be a completely illogical idea (Like objectivism) or an old idea that starts off helpful to our survival but becomes dangerous over time (religion).
People like you and I are like...the part of a cell that wants to gather together with other cells except we do it on an interpsonal, human level. We also act as a sort of 'information filter'. We can get infected with bad ideas but we've got VERY strong informational immune systems. On a global super-scale, we are the part of the living being which unites a single cell into a multi-cellular life-form. It's no accident we enjoy saturation in information, networking, healing, and fixing
Another part of this is...well, there have never been enough of us to really bring the human body together...as in, the body that is mankind. Even if we were one in one hundred (which we're not. INFJ's are barely 1% of the population. Less in most places.) Until this century, we were never likely to meet each other. If a village had 100 people and 1 of them was like you and I, we might meet and know EVERY one of those people and take our whole lives getting to know them but never meet someone like you or me. It wasn't until the world population started climbing this century and until mass communication made it possible to have a village of hundreds of thousands that it was even a likelihood that you or I would meet each other or persons like ourselves
We could exist within a blackhole. Our universe contains black-holes that contain singularities and it's been postulated that within those black-holes other universes exist. A fractal system in the very fabric of space-time. We could be surrounded by a gravitational shell (an event horizon) which keeps us, for now, from interacting with the outside universes...all of them...stretching to sizes so great we are barely imagineable in our smallness to beings that would exist in those cosmos...
Scientists this year has postulated that this is actually probably how things are.
http://www.meh.ro/original/
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