You're not alone, together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold and it feels like the end
There's no place to go, you know I won't give in
No, I won't give in
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
So far away, I wish you were here
Before it's too late this could all disappear
Before the door's closed and it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Hear me when I say when I say, I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Keep holding on
Keep holding on
There's nothing you could say, nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Monday, May 9, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
To the lovely Ari-dear,
Fuck distance and time and dirt and air and dfgpjdfgopksdsdoksdofksdo[fksdfk.
I miss you so much.
798 miles is far too much. Teleport...
...
:c
That being said, I love you. I love you more than I miss you. Actually, I love you more than pretty much anything else, ever. More than all the sand in the sea and all the stars in the sky. More than a frat of a sorority of Alots. I don't feel like I say it enough. I know I say it all the time, but it still feels lacking.
Also, you're beautiful. In basically every way - inside and out. Gorgeous. Stunning. Adorable.
Also... Amazing, fantastic, wonderful.
I know you don't see it. But eventually, you will. And I can't wait for that to happen, because when you see what I see... My god, you're fucking gorgeous.
Normally, this is where I would start referencing The Last Night, but I think we've passed "no more nights alone." I mean, we haven't been really, truly alone in a long while now [at least, it feels like a long while, even if it maybe hasn't. I mean, holy fuck, there was a time when I didn't know you?!], even if it sometimes feels like we are.
But, I just wanted to remind you... you're not alone. Not ever. Perhaps that sounds creepy, but again...we've passed that. We're downright fweepy. Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, I'm there. If you can barely breathe because it just hurts so fucking much, I'm there. If you're angry and need someone to rant at, I'm there. If you need someone to hold you, or someone to hold, I'm there. If you're happy and want to share it with someone, I'm there. You're not alone... never alone.
I will never abandon you. There is nothing you could ever do to change my opinion on you. I won't cram you in a box, take away your freedom, label you, or judge you. I make no promises that I won't hold you, though. I hope that's alright.
I can't wait until we're talking again. I can't wait until we're together physically. It's going to be the most amazing thing ever.
Also, things will get better. I know you're having a tough time now [as am I, obviously], but I promise. This isn't your life, and it will get better, and you'll breathe air once again. And everything will be okay. I promise you this. It's just a matter of time.
I love you so much. And you're amazing. I hope I make this clear to you, every day. That I'd do anything, just to see you truly happy. That you mean the world to me. That you save my life. That you're fantastic, amazing, beautiful, wonderful, adorable, stunning, gorgeous, wunderfundle... all of those things. And that I love you. And that won't ever go away.
Basically...
ag;oijsdfo;jsfoapwejkfoapwekjfopaewkdfapowekfopwekfLOVe-H. <33333333
When you feel all alone and the world has turned it's back on you, give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart. I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you. It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold. When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore... Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone. When you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find.. You're caught in a one way street with the monsters in your head. When hopes and dreams are far away and you feel like you can't face they day... Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone.
Because there has always been heartache and pain, and when it's over you'll breathe again. You'll breathe again. When you feel all alone and the world has turned it's back on you, give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart. Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone.
<3
Fuck distance and time and dirt and air and dfgpjdfgopksdsdoksdofksdo[fksdfk.
I miss you so much.
798 miles is far too much. Teleport...
...
:c
That being said, I love you. I love you more than I miss you. Actually, I love you more than pretty much anything else, ever. More than all the sand in the sea and all the stars in the sky. More than a frat of a sorority of Alots. I don't feel like I say it enough. I know I say it all the time, but it still feels lacking.
Also, you're beautiful. In basically every way - inside and out. Gorgeous. Stunning. Adorable.
Also... Amazing, fantastic, wonderful.
I know you don't see it. But eventually, you will. And I can't wait for that to happen, because when you see what I see... My god, you're fucking gorgeous.
Normally, this is where I would start referencing The Last Night, but I think we've passed "no more nights alone." I mean, we haven't been really, truly alone in a long while now [at least, it feels like a long while, even if it maybe hasn't. I mean, holy fuck, there was a time when I didn't know you?!], even if it sometimes feels like we are.
But, I just wanted to remind you... you're not alone. Not ever. Perhaps that sounds creepy, but again...we've passed that. We're downright fweepy. Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, I'm there. If you can barely breathe because it just hurts so fucking much, I'm there. If you're angry and need someone to rant at, I'm there. If you need someone to hold you, or someone to hold, I'm there. If you're happy and want to share it with someone, I'm there. You're not alone... never alone.
I will never abandon you. There is nothing you could ever do to change my opinion on you. I won't cram you in a box, take away your freedom, label you, or judge you. I make no promises that I won't hold you, though. I hope that's alright.
I can't wait until we're talking again. I can't wait until we're together physically. It's going to be the most amazing thing ever.
Also, things will get better. I know you're having a tough time now [as am I, obviously], but I promise. This isn't your life, and it will get better, and you'll breathe air once again. And everything will be okay. I promise you this. It's just a matter of time.
I love you so much. And you're amazing. I hope I make this clear to you, every day. That I'd do anything, just to see you truly happy. That you mean the world to me. That you save my life. That you're fantastic, amazing, beautiful, wonderful, adorable, stunning, gorgeous, wunderfundle... all of those things. And that I love you. And that won't ever go away.
Basically...
ag;oijsdfo;jsfoapwejkfoapwekjfopaewkdfapowekfopwekfLOVe-H. <33333333
When you feel all alone and the world has turned it's back on you, give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart. I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you. It's hard to find relieve and people can be so cold. When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore... Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone. When you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find.. You're caught in a one way street with the monsters in your head. When hopes and dreams are far away and you feel like you can't face they day... Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone.
Because there has always been heartache and pain, and when it's over you'll breathe again. You'll breathe again. When you feel all alone and the world has turned it's back on you, give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart. Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night. If you need to fall apart, I can mend a broken heart. If you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone.
<3
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
I don't know what to type or how to type it. But I have to. Last night, I promised myself I would. It seemed very important that this get written down. Like I saw truth past lies and needed to remember it. I couldn't type it out because I was curled up in bed, but I told myself I would once I got up.
I can't be happy.
That's my job, in life. To make others happy but never be happy myself. I can help others but no one can help me. That's all my life will be. I'll always feel like this. It's never going to end.
I'm a freak.
I can't even cope with the very basics of life. Even the smallest of things that are so easy to everyone else, I can't handle. I'm pathetic, weak, freakish.
Also; I kept saying I wanted the pain to stop. But there wasn't even any pain. There was an ache in my stomach and I was sobbing so much that I nearly puked, but I wasn't upset. But I couldn't stop saying I wanted the hurt to stop.
The other day, when I cut, I remember thinking "Why am I doing this? It doesn't even feel good. And I don't feel bad." even though I was feeling like shit... thinking that scared me. I don't know what happened.
These things happen a lot. Feeling SO intensely yet at the same time feeling nothing at all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish someone could tell me what's wrong with me in a way that makes sense.
i'mwrongi'mwrongi'mwrongi'mwrong
No matter what I do, it comes back to this. No matter what changes I make or what I do, I always feel this way. I haven't let myself feel quite this bad in a while, but even still I felt like shit. I can't be happy. I won't ever be. Nothing will get better, not really.
I spent last night curled in the fetal position sobbing into a pillow. I couldn't stop thinking. Everything was so much, and it still is. I don't see any options - no take-able or pleasant ones, anyways.
I could have done it. I would have. I didn't, because I promised. That doesn't mean I didn't want to.
I don't want to do this for another 85 years. I know I promised that I'd make sure to live to 101 so She could live to 100.
I don't want to, though.
Can I please kill myself? I'm serious. I'm asking permission because I don't know what else to do, and I promised. And I won't break a promise. But, I just... I don't want to be here. I really don't.
I can't be happy.
That's my job, in life. To make others happy but never be happy myself. I can help others but no one can help me. That's all my life will be. I'll always feel like this. It's never going to end.
I'm a freak.
I can't even cope with the very basics of life. Even the smallest of things that are so easy to everyone else, I can't handle. I'm pathetic, weak, freakish.
Also; I kept saying I wanted the pain to stop. But there wasn't even any pain. There was an ache in my stomach and I was sobbing so much that I nearly puked, but I wasn't upset. But I couldn't stop saying I wanted the hurt to stop.
The other day, when I cut, I remember thinking "Why am I doing this? It doesn't even feel good. And I don't feel bad." even though I was feeling like shit... thinking that scared me. I don't know what happened.
These things happen a lot. Feeling SO intensely yet at the same time feeling nothing at all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish someone could tell me what's wrong with me in a way that makes sense.
i'mwrongi'mwrongi'mwrongi'mwrong
No matter what I do, it comes back to this. No matter what changes I make or what I do, I always feel this way. I haven't let myself feel quite this bad in a while, but even still I felt like shit. I can't be happy. I won't ever be. Nothing will get better, not really.
I spent last night curled in the fetal position sobbing into a pillow. I couldn't stop thinking. Everything was so much, and it still is. I don't see any options - no take-able or pleasant ones, anyways.
I could have done it. I would have. I didn't, because I promised. That doesn't mean I didn't want to.
I don't want to do this for another 85 years. I know I promised that I'd make sure to live to 101 so She could live to 100.
I don't want to, though.
Can I please kill myself? I'm serious. I'm asking permission because I don't know what else to do, and I promised. And I won't break a promise. But, I just... I don't want to be here. I really don't.
I FUCKING MISS YOU SO FUCKING MUCH.
I’m crying. I can’t believe it’s been over two months.
Perhaps not such a long period of time in the grand scheme of things, but from talking all day every day…to this…
-sigh-
I miss you. I know that at some point soon [‘soon’ is relative, because time is messed like that. Fuck time. And dirt and space and air and time. Remember?] we’re going to be together again, and then ‘soon’ after that, really physically together.
That doesn’t make now hurt any less.
I’m going nuts without you by my side. I need you here. I’m losing it and I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking terrified and I want to talk to you. I need to. I can’t, and I’ll survive, but I need to so badly.
Every night I curl up and pretend you’re there with me. And every morning I wake up alone - no, not alone, never alone. We’ve been over this - and it makes me sad. And every night I go to bed early because maybe I’ll dream about you and we’ll spend the night together.
I wish I could at least talk to you.
I miss you so much.
I know I’m not alone, not really [the last night, remember?] and neither are you… But I wish I felt less like I was.I know you’re probably looking at the moon thinking the same thing.
This sucks.
You’re beautiful [in every way; inside and out]
I love you.
I miss you.
Perhaps not such a long period of time in the grand scheme of things, but from talking all day every day…to this…
-sigh-
I miss you. I know that at some point soon [‘soon’ is relative, because time is messed like that. Fuck time. And dirt and space and air and time. Remember?] we’re going to be together again, and then ‘soon’ after that, really physically together.
That doesn’t make now hurt any less.
I’m going nuts without you by my side. I need you here. I’m losing it and I don’t know what to do. I’m so fucking terrified and I want to talk to you. I need to. I can’t, and I’ll survive, but I need to so badly.
Every night I curl up and pretend you’re there with me. And every morning I wake up alone - no, not alone, never alone. We’ve been over this - and it makes me sad. And every night I go to bed early because maybe I’ll dream about you and we’ll spend the night together.
I wish I could at least talk to you.
I miss you so much.
I know I’m not alone, not really [the last night, remember?] and neither are you… But I wish I felt less like I was.I know you’re probably looking at the moon thinking the same thing.
This sucks.
You’re beautiful [in every way; inside and out]
I love you.
I miss you.
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