"Why is it, my shadow-striding friend, that we don't fear dreams? We lose consciousness, lose control, things happen with no apparent logic and abiding by no apparent rules.... We don't fear dreams, but we do fear madness, and death terrifies us."
Things seem so clear when I'm dreaming, but I'm not sure whether that's an illusion or if I just forget the fine details when I awaken.
But what is a dream and what's reality? The line seems to have been blurred. I'm not even sure what's in my head and what's outside of it, anymore. Things that should feel real feel like someone else, like a story i've made up in my head. Things that are just inside my head feel more real than the things around me that I can touch, see, feel. Things that I know matter to me or at least should, just... don't. I can't care because they're not to do with me, they're just a story. And the thoughts I have, the stories I think up, they can feel real. When I think of different situations and ways different conversations could go [sometimes allowing me to get lost in thought for hours] feel like they actually happened. Sometimes i'll forget that I never had a certain conversation with someone, because I thought about it so much. It never happened but it feels so real. And thinking about my thoughts and the way things work feel so right, and even if not clear... they feel "there" at least. But when it comes to things I do, things I don't do, things that happen, things that need to happen, things people say... they don't feel real. It's just a story. Just a random thought. It feels...foggy. Not foggy like you can't see it, but foggy like...dfgdhgh I don't know how to expain it.. It can't be true. It's someone else's life. This isn't me - i'm hidden from me. Or the real me resides in my head, hiding from everything. Possibly both. This feels so weird. Life isn't...life. It's a shadow of life. Like i'm in a dream. Awake and dreaming. [That's an awesome book, btw.] Like there's this foggy overlay over life. Like i'm watching someone else, or looking at the world through a mirror, or a reflection in a pond.
I think I might possibly be going insane. Oh well.
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