New Beginnings

When you feel all alone 

And a loyal friend is hard to find 

You're caught in a one way street 

With the monsters in your head 

When hopes and dreams are far away and 

You feel like you can't face they day 

Let me be the one you call 

If you jump I'll break your fall 

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night 

If you need to fall apart 

I can mend a broken heart 

If you need to crash then crash and burn 

You're not alone 

Because there has always been heartache and pain 

And when it's over you'll breathe again 

You'll breath again 

I'm going to do this. Me and Ari are going to do this. Together. For eachother.
It WILL happen. I promise you, love. I promise to try. I'm going to get better. For you. To get myself standing again. I love you so much. Fuck, this is terrifying, but i'm going to try.

My short term goals are as outlined: 

-No cutting or any other forms of self-harm for two weeks. After that, another 2 weeks. And then another month after that. And then 2 months. [keep doubling after each time.]
Reward: For each goal-time reached for not cutting, i'll do something that makes me happy, whether it be spending time with someone, relaxing by myself, or buying myself something.

-To even out my eating. Eat until i'm full, but no bingeing. [Eat healthier, too, foods that will make this goal easier to achieve, not harder] And excersize moderatly.
Reward: For each day that I don't binge or restrict and do a bit of excersize, I can have 1 treat-food, and for every week I can buy myself something small. Also, after 2 weeks of no cutting AND eating properly, Seara will do me an animation :]

-To allow myself to be happy. To not bring myself down when I feel myself getting into a good mood.
Reward: Letting myself be happy, is reward itself. It's more mind over matter in convincing myself that it's okay, and that will come easier the more I do it.

-To not punish myself when I do something wrong [or feel that I did something wrong.]
Reward: For every time that I really want to punish myself for something, apoligize for it instead, then, if I feel like it, go take a warm bath and read a book and/or listen to music.

-To work [continue to work] on talking again.
Reward: For the moment, talking to someone doesn't need a reward as I have the motivation without it. Though as I go along, I may need one.

-To go to school again [after I start talking again].
Reward: For going to school, a day of pure enjoying myself and not having any responsibilites. See people that make me happy, eat food I enjoy, ride, listen to loud music and be hyper, etc. Phone you <3

-To every morning, wake up and say, today will be good. To every morning, look in the mirror and tell myself i'm beautiful, whether I mean it or not. To every night, reflect back on the day, and say, that wasn't so bad, let's make tomorrow just as good or better.
Reward: Eventually believing it.

-To accept compliments. At the very least, out loud. Don't try to convince otherwise or deny it, don't say "No, you" or try to turn it around.
Reward: Eventually believing it, less NO, YOU! arguments.

Long term:

Long term goals, for the moment, are just to get better mentally, and get myself stable. Long term rewards are actually being happy and healthy, and meeting up with you. This will be edited when the long term goals are somewhat within sight.

From now on, this blog has a new name. A more recovery-esque name.

The night is so long when everything's wrong

If you give me your hand

I will help you hold on

Tonight, tonight

This is the last night you'll spend alone

Look me in the eyes so I know you know

I'm everywhere you want me to be

The last night you'll spend alone

I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go

I'm everything you need me to be

I won't let you say goodbye

And I'll be your reason why

The last night away from me

Away from me