Crash and burn

Do you know how it feels to feel like shit, every single night? The emotion's sometimes different but the pain, it's all the same.
Do you know how it feels to want so badly to cry, but only be able to manage to squeeze out red tears from your skin, and not a drop from your eyes?
Do you know what it's like to want the day to end but dread the day to come?
Have you ever felt true pain, that left you wanting to crawl out of your own skin and die?
Do you know how it feels to crave, to need perfection, yet know you'll never attain it?
Do you know what it's like to be spiralling downward so fast everything's a blur?

I want someone to hold me. To be able convince me of all the things i'm not. To open my eyes and let me see. To make me feel like, maybe, i'm not all alone. Who could actually reassure me, and make me believe, that everything will be okay. That no, I don't need to be perfect. To make me comfortable in my own skin. I want someone who won't abandon me when they realise how fucked up I am.
Just once, I wish someone would stay my hand when i'm reaching for a razor. Just once, I wish someone would keep me from leaving for the bathroom right after I ate. I wish someone would be brave enough to deal with all of me. To care for me when i'm screaming and crying and bleeding. To love me, even when i'm not feeling well.

I don't deserve these things, though. So even if I was able to get them [which i'm not] I would push it away. It's good for me, and bad for them, so, it won't happen. STUPID BITCH FOR WANTING, FOR NEEDING.