Crash and burn

I will never be good enough for myself.
I will never be the perfect that I need to be, that I need like a drowning man needs air, that I crave like a parched man needs water.

I NEED TO BE PERFECT.
i need to have the perfect body with slimness and no fat and the perfect mind that only shows smiles and no pain and i have to be the perfect daughter that does everything right and the perfect student who gets straight a's and the perfect rider who is never afraid and the perfect person with nothing for people to complain about including myself. 
Perfect.


Everything must be fine. Everything must be well.
I must be well. Or at least keep up the appearances of being well.
I must be physically perfect, with no flaws to be seen. If any flaws are present, they must be the perfect flaw, that is not really a flaw.
I must be kind and calm [but not too calm] and friendly [but not too friendly] and energetic [but not too energetic].

There must be nothing wrong with me.

I must be perfect. There is no other option. Perfection or death. I MUST BE PERFECT. I NEED IT.

THERE. IS. NO. OTHER. OPTION. BUT. PERFECTION.

I WILL be the perfect girl.

I WILL.

I better...