I don't feel like being eloquent right now. Just...
Omggggggg. Stressssss.
So I said i'd go to Sandi's this morning. I haven't seen her in ages and there's gonna be other people there that I also haven't seen.
This causes me two main stresses.
1] There is going to be cake. A lot of it. Some chocolate strawberry crepe cake thing. OMGOMGOMG. NO. But she'll be all "YOU. EAT." Hopefully I can get out of it, but, sfjjfjssdjadwahdwhadhhd.
2] I don't know how People's reactions will be to me being on my silence-kick again. It makes me even more self-concious than I already am, and i'm not looking forward to the panic attack that will ensue if they attempt to force me into speech.
Also, I'm supposed to go back to school tomorrow. Isn't this what I wanted? I think so. Do I still? I don't know. It's stressing me the fuck out. I don't know whether I want to go back yet or not. Perhaps i'll tell Mom that I don't want to go back until i'm talking again. She may or may not accept that. We'll see.
I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. I decided that since my parents know about the self-harm now, that it would be okay to cut my arm. I don't have to be so paranoid about hiding it...right? WELL CRAP. I Forgot about the barn. I can't wear long gloves for riding and everyone there knows I don't wear jackets. Fuck.
Also, Hannelore doesn't know, and her parents dont like me to wear them at the dinner table.
I AM SO FUCKING STUPID.
alsoineedtostopstressingandfreakingoutfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
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