Freak

I feel like such a freak, like I can't hold a conversation with a normal person anymore.  Well, I was never very good at it, but now, just... I feel like....a freak. There's no better word that I know of to describe it. It's not as bad during the day compared to the night, but still. Either I'm unable to pay attention, or what I care about is completely different, or I get depressing and emotionally draining, or I'm way too hyper, or I ramble on and on, or I make no sense, or, just, whatever. Although i've always been this way, I do blame most of it on how fucked up i've become.

I feel like i've become mostly unable to hold a conversation with a normal person. I don't know that this will ever change. And yes, i've always been weird, and it's always been difficult for me to not show that odness so i don't bother trying... but this is different. I just feel like a freak when I try to talk to most people.

 It doesn't matter if it's online or in real life. Online, I just spew off whatever nonsense comes to mind while simultaniously censoring every small detail. It makes no sense, but it's true. IRL I don't even talk, so that makes it uncomfortable and difficult, and i'm never quite sure what to say, and most my thoughts are too long to type out anyways. I'm not even sure HOW to hold a proper conversation anymore, I think i've lost that ability more or less entirely.