Food :/ AKA awdoihwdywgefygfkfpfk.

I want to binge. I really want to binge. I'm not even really hungry. I just want food. I'm having major cravings and I just WANT FOOD NOW I WANT IT NEED IT FOOD GIVE ME NOW. But I know if I do i'll feel like shit afterwards and it'll make me want to restrict tomorrow which will make me want to binge more and it's a cycle. One I need to break.

But fuck, I want to binge. I can't decide what to eat for dinner because I don't want to binge. And if I don't eat I can't. But I don't want to skip the meal either, even if I did eat a lot for lunch and a donut so I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can eat :/

I've been allowing myself to fall too far into the non-recovery thinking. I need to get that determination I had the first day, back. I need to remember to tell myself im beautiful and that today that will be good and motivate myself to get better.

I will NOT binge and I WILL eat.
I'm going to go read old emails now.