Crash and burn

Out here on the ledge
I'm not far away from stepping off
I finally picked out my cloud
It's the one over there surrounded by all that air
You reached out your hand
And said "I understand"
So why not come down?
Well except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars I'm fine
Oh except for a few small bruises, cuts and scars I'm fine

i reason with myself. "no, slicing yourself open would be a bad idea." but it'd be fun! red all over the place. skin giving way to the poison beneath. let it all drain out. "no, then you wouldn't be here." i'm not here anyways, who cares? ghost. invisible. just sort of floating in limbo anyways. "Ari would care. she needs you, remember? remember? yeah. you can't be selfish and leave her here all alone." ...oh. "yeah."
but everything looks so pretty in red...

This stage of oblivion I find comfortable
And prior to this I never spoke
You say you understand my absence now
And why I never tell jokes
You know...
Whats another day?
When we're already getting used to gray
What's another day?
If inspiration grows out from this
What's another day?
From silence is the next best thing to bliss
And we're all getting used to hearing you say
you know...

i need to switch things up. everything is still. i'm still. i don't like speed but sitting stagnant is even worse. i could drain myself, or greet my bones. i could erupt. i could swallow little pieces of death. change things up a bit.
maybe if things change enough, i'll change and cease to exist. vanish. poof! hahahahaha. see the fading girl, see things turn to shades of gray and then back to colour and contrast again. variation.

I can't laugh too hard I'm on a diet
I'm trying to lose myself
You ought to try it...
I think you'll leave me soon
Though I've no proof of it
But I'll make it easier for you
By being a little bitch

Breakfast:
too much.

Lunch:
too much.

Dinner:
too much.

Intake:
too much.

Outtake:
not enough.

You did the right thing covered your scars
Challenged your faith
and closed your eyes driving cars
For all that they knew you were safe home
But you went through hell
whenever you were left alone

But you could see where I had been
in the pictures that they took

I tied to look positive at things,
Faced myself but didn't look
That was not honest
I was not healthy
I am not honest, honest.

I wish you could see yourself through my eyes
There's no need to cling to unnecessary lies
The voice in your head whose spirit you stole
left you for dead but you dug the hole

And I could see where you had been
from the marks around your wrists
The red water washed around your sins
but are you as pure as this?
No you are not honest
You are not healthy
You are not honest, honest.