Crash and burn

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I'm tired and I
I want to go to bed

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
And then leave me alone
Don't try to wake me in the morning
'Cause I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I will feel so glad to go

Sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Sing to me
Sing to me
I don't want to wake up
On my own anymore

Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart
I really want to go

There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well ...

Bye bye
Bye bye
Bye ...

Can I please just sleep for the rest of forever? Skip time?
That's what I want. To just curl up away, safe somewhere, while time passes me by so I don't have to deal.
Everything's changing. Everything but me. I can't help it, I can't stop it, I can't control it. I don't like it. It scares me.
The world is sneaking up on me. And not slowly.
allatonce.
People are leaving and new people are there and school and work and LIFE are approaching and I'm supposed to be making changes to make this work and I'm not and I either can't or won't.
Everything is frightening, and hurts, and I don't want to.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Can I please just skip everything?
I don't want to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to wake up ever again but I would settle for a time where things are 'better'...whatever that means.
I want to hide.
I want to die.
No, that's not quite right.
I don't want to die.
I don't want to live.

- - -

On an unrelated note, someone asked me what negative personality characteristics I have.
I limited myself to a very small rant and only basics.

I'm not a nice person. And maybe that would be okay, if I was intelligent or something. But I'm not. I'm terrible. I'm selfish, needy, pathetic, lazy, hypocritical, weak, a liar, spoiled, stupid, and unwise. I'm both emotionally and physically ugly, disgusting, and I can never do anything right. Everything's always about me - either I ramble about myself or bring everyone down with my negative emotions and never give anything in return. I can't think or feel anything right. If I'm in a bad mood, I snap and in general be a nasty little bitch. If there's an easy way out, i'll take it. that is, unless I'm being a stubborn, spoiled brat and start arguments because I can't bear to be wrong. And I'm nearly always wrong. I complain and complain and complain and never do anything to fix it. I'm a hypocrite. I whine about people all the time when it's really about the same qualities I myself possess. I sit around all day and do nothing productive for the only reason that I don't feel like it. I leave all the work to other people and eat all the food and expect people to pay for my very survival. I make all these excuses about why I can't do this and about recovery and things being unhealthy for me and blah blah blah when really I'm just too weak and pathetic to manage anything. Life, school, being around people, being around myself, anything. I make the stupidest decisions and then blame others for my misfortune while still bringing people down with my guilt and self-hating emotions. I'm fake and I lie far too much. I can't hold a normal conversation with anyone to save my life and always seem to mess things up with people because they can't handle me... and why should I expect them to? It's selfish of me to expect people to deal with me and my issues. I don't contribute anything to the world or people around me and am pretty damn useless.